Sunday, June 3, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
the first day of the rest of my life
I look at friends' photos today on facebook. All i can think about is..how they pretty much look the same since i last met them, just a little older but with the same/similar flair.
it makes me depressed.
i look at myself and think.. well then i look the same too...just older and fatter.
ughhh.
the other day, i had my first doctor's visit. I realized that i'm treading on 170lbs at 5'1. I also might have an under active thyroid. every since then, i've looked at myself through real upclose&personal glasses. Its like i finally see the fat girl staring back. this whole moment in my life is changing me and my perspective of myself.
i battle with..if i really like who is staring back. i battle..because i don't. i don't like who is staring back..i can barely look. and it just hurts. it feels like. failure.
i think of my family and i think about my partner, i think about my career. and i see failure staring back.
i wish i could budge from this depression. but it feels so real. it can't be depression when it feels so real.
it makes me depressed.
i look at myself and think.. well then i look the same too...just older and fatter.
ughhh.
the other day, i had my first doctor's visit. I realized that i'm treading on 170lbs at 5'1. I also might have an under active thyroid. every since then, i've looked at myself through real upclose&personal glasses. Its like i finally see the fat girl staring back. this whole moment in my life is changing me and my perspective of myself.
i battle with..if i really like who is staring back. i battle..because i don't. i don't like who is staring back..i can barely look. and it just hurts. it feels like. failure.
i think of my family and i think about my partner, i think about my career. and i see failure staring back.
i wish i could budge from this depression. but it feels so real. it can't be depression when it feels so real.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Is it not obvious that ive been struggling to stay consistent with my weightloss journey? If you've been following me for the past 10 months I started off pretty strong last August...working out on average 3-4x a week. Life got in the way, and i had excuses to push my workout sessions to the way way side.
Today, im feeling very stopped up. My stomach is protruding out and i just feel very bloated. I am still proud of myself for what I have been able to accomplish and i accept my failure that i have been lazy and let a lot of my hard work go down the drain. i hope i can remember today and how today feels like.
hopefully remembering how in despair i am today can help me to stay consistent and see my weightloss goals through to the end. I know i am good at starting out strong, but finishing is another obstacle all on its own.
****
i did 60min of Core Fusion Thighs and Glutes - it felt uncomfortable with all of my back fat during the "pretzel" workout. also my belly just felt uncomfortable and just plain old out of shape. this was a great workout to start with as it didn't push me too much past discomfort, but i was able to get up and get my body moving. working out always gives me a boost of energy after and the will to want to be bettter. so i'll take it.
*****
I had the NAKED juice berry veggie after my workout. This is really good stuff.
*****
Today, im feeling very stopped up. My stomach is protruding out and i just feel very bloated. I am still proud of myself for what I have been able to accomplish and i accept my failure that i have been lazy and let a lot of my hard work go down the drain. i hope i can remember today and how today feels like.
hopefully remembering how in despair i am today can help me to stay consistent and see my weightloss goals through to the end. I know i am good at starting out strong, but finishing is another obstacle all on its own.
****
i did 60min of Core Fusion Thighs and Glutes - it felt uncomfortable with all of my back fat during the "pretzel" workout. also my belly just felt uncomfortable and just plain old out of shape. this was a great workout to start with as it didn't push me too much past discomfort, but i was able to get up and get my body moving. working out always gives me a boost of energy after and the will to want to be bettter. so i'll take it.
*****
I had the NAKED juice berry veggie after my workout. This is really good stuff.
*****
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Back Again
And again and again...
Wednesday, March 28th 25min of Plyo X - hard as fuck. so out of shape since the last fitness regiment i was on. But its time to get back on. no reason to let anyone guilt me into why i'm working out. i'm doing it again!
Wednesday, March 28th 25min of Plyo X - hard as fuck. so out of shape since the last fitness regiment i was on. But its time to get back on. no reason to let anyone guilt me into why i'm working out. i'm doing it again!
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