Train Entry

I'm not sure what a nervous breakdown entails, but I think I'm going
THROUGH IT.
Right here on the train.
They said it would be hard. I don't know why I didn't listen to them. Darn.
I wish I had. Maybe I would be in a better situation.

And to just imagine that there could be more.
To imagine that things could be worse is outright scary for me.
The notion "survival of the fittest"
has never struck me so hard before.
I just don't think I'm it enough to survive this.
This thing called life.
I don't know what m place is in this huge space.
I don't know what's right and wrong anymore.
All I know is that i'll be kicked out in june.
I don't even have half of half of rent-
which is due in a week in a half
I have a lous paying job,
I can barely eat
and travel on a day to day basis.
My PERIOD is Not Coming,
and I seem to NOT be pregnant or
have HIV
or Anything at all.
But i do have minor cramps, I can barely eat,
everytime I eat it goes right through my body..(ewww)
and my hands have this bad shaking habit.

mY health seems to be plummeting and I'm not sure what to do.
I'm SCARED.
SO SO SCARED.
And I think of those who are in worse conditions.
I think of those who don't have a place to sleep in this bitter cold.
And I see that they are surviving.

But the question rises within me....
Whats the Point of Surviving
if your not Living??