Didn't Mean to Cut You Off...But

Today... I decided a few things.

Not to cut you off... but to take a step away. As much as my friend has chosen to say that she has looked past all of wat she has felt before...I fail to believe her. I don't think its my mind..that is making it up. It is her actions..that prove this. Even more, what she had to say to me really hurt me. And now, I am not sure if I am ready to put these last few days in the past. I'm not sure if i'm ready for her to tell me what she's thought of me..all this time up until now, and then say..."Okay, well thats in the past." I feel that she still labels me as "Rude and Disrespectful" and she is still resentful of the fact that I may have put her 2nd. Before, I've always over-looked our fights..but this one really made things clear to me on how she thought of things..and handled them. Yes, I did not do the right things sometimes...but I always apologized..and I always asked her..."What was wrong"...now after all this time..she wants to come out and say it...and then after letting me know all that she has to say... She tells me to put it behind me? Thats....FUCKING hard to do.lol.

I'm sure she will be better off without me. I can write a whole entry that states why I would be better off without her...but honestly....she says that I have hurt her so badly....maybe she will have a happier life...without me trying to hold onto our friendship. I think she already has moved on anyway....So I wish her well. And I hope that she sees...that a lot of her resentment towards me has more to do with herself...than what I have done to her. But, again... I do wish her well, she is a smart, beautiful young lady...that is going to do so well in this world. I hope my absence..will only benefit her.

This goes out to you and you and you
You know who you are

Hmm hmm hmm
When glory days turn to stormy nights
You must have been so petrified
Didn't you, didn't you feel so cold
You against the world in a losing fight
Captive of your demons inside

So you sought an enemy
(I'm not your enemy. He lives in you, you know it's true)
Like times before to mock ignorantly
(But the Lord said love, love your enemy so just...)
Take heed to the Word it's time
Check Proverbs 19:29
(19:29 Judgments are prepared for scorners, and stripes for the back of fools.)

I wish you well
I wish you well
I wish you well

I truly wanted solidarity
Still wearing my blinders back then
(So much I didn't see)
I weep for what I dreamed we all could be
I'll keep you in prayer till the end

Still bruised, still walk on eggshells
Same frightened child, hide to protect myself
(Can't believe I still need to protect myself from you)
But you can't manipulate me like before
Examine first John chapter 4 verse 4
(You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.)

And
I wish you well
I wish you well
I wish you well

Be strong in the Lord and power of His might

If my shows of gratitude are miniscule
Inside your mind, sorry
(I'm so sorry, please forgive me)
There's only so much I can do I love you and did all that I could

Maybe when you're cursing me
You don't feel so incomplete
But we've all made mistakes
Felt the guilt and self-hate

I know you've been there for me plenty
Maybe still got love for me
But let him without sin cast the first stone brethren
But who remains standing then
Not you not I see Phillipians 4:9
(Put it into practice and the God of Peace will be with you)

So
I wish you well
I wish you well
I wish you well

(He who the Son sets free is free indeed)
No weapon formed against me shall prosper
Surely God is my salvation
I will trust and not be afraid
The Lord, the Lord is my salvation
I will trust in Him
Yes, I know that I know that I know that I know

But I have had God's help to this very day
And so I stand here and testify
To small and great alike
So the more you curse me
The more you're blessing me
The Word said it
Love your enemies

Do good to those who curse you
Pray for those who mistreat you
Psalms 129:2
They have greatly oppressed me from my youth
But they have not gained victory over me
(In Jesus' name)

I wish you well

He that keeps his mind state on the Lord
He will keep them in perfect peace

Don't cry
-Mariah Carey