Tuesday, May 13, 2008

This feeling?... I don't like THIS feeling

This feeling.... hurts. arrggghhh

U wonder why i haven't been writing much?

Cause I've been talking to this guy.... talking to him like we are back together. Texting hot and heavy messages back and forth and thinking that i'm going to over-step all that I had said before, and i'm just gonna go and take it all over!

But.. little do I know...I'm dumb, wrong, weak...and no nothing!
Izzy says its my period coming. I sure as fucking hope so!

With the ideas that he and i could be coming back together...I've lost it all already. Trying to plan out how to get him a great graduation gift. And, planning a hot and heavy first night, and offering to have his mother and aunt come up with me, and offering to go out with him and his friends.....

wat the fuck is wrong with me? lol.

have i not forgotten the basics?

when u aren't together... you don't do...together things. DUh!

and U know what it is that reminded me? That put me back in my place?...a mere photo of him and a girl and their foolishness...."WALMART LOVERS". Am I sap or wat? Crying over a photo? Yucky girl... Dumb dumb.

All I could see was her arm around him..and I got sooooooo mad. All of these feelings overcame within me... I was angry cause she got to touch him, got him to laugh....got him to be happy....and thats my job..thats what Im supposed to do! Or atleast that wass my job....
in which i remembered...... y this wasn't working.

It brought me back to earth...from my love high..that I seemed to be going on all by myself.
And thus, I'm stuck... in a situation that is leeaving me more resentful...than happy.

From the night that i started sending him those texts... i knew it was the wrong thing to do. It wasn't the little voice in me...it was my instincts...that said... "UH OH".

uh oh is right.

Back to square one missy. No more calls. No more texts. Lets get through this weekend...and no sex!

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