Update on Weight Loss Journey

BREAKFAST has been the biggest focus for me for the past week. I take a simple breakfast in for lunch on the two days that I am up early for work.

And then i eat out for breakfast once a week. And I cook breakfast at home for 4 days out of the week. Here is a pic of what I brought to work with me last week. I was so psyched and proud of myself for bringing in food!

Honey Nut Cheerios and Milk :)



My diet pitfalls is LATE NIGHT EATING. I still crave a lot of food when it gets late. I'm not sure how to tackle this, except to tell myself to stop eating! I think i have to make sure that I am eating 5-6 substantial meals throughout the day.

I've also recognized myself in the moment when I am eating and I'm not hungry! I've realized how I use food to "fight back". Its weird, I did it with my parents when I was younger, and I do it with my bf now. I guess I've never been a person who is good at taking orders, and when it comes to food... I "fight back". If my mother would tell me I am eating too much ice cream, I would "fight" by drinking a gallon of water. I remember doing that when I was younger and I drank so much water I vomited. These days, when the bf tells me that I shouldn't have a particular piece of food, I realize that I "fight" by eating more of it. Or requesting a cola. I have been drinking way too much soda lately..!

When I was younger, I fought by overdosing on the foods my mother thought I should be eating, now that I am an adult, I fight by overdosing on the foods I shouldn't. Either way, I'm eating out of spite instead of because I am hungry. I noticed that on a daily basis with myself and its silly to me. I am not a child anymore. I don't have to feel something anytime anyone suggests something to me. I shouldn't feel like I have to fight. I need to get this squared away.

Tomorrow is March 1st and I plan to weigh in again. I know that I am still fighting very bad habits, but I think I have also attracted a few good ones; eating breakfast, cutting out coffee, conscious eating, and trying to stop when i am full. I haven't been exercising, so I don't believe I will lose much weight. But I am hoping to see the scale tip under a pound or so. I like weighing in on a monthly basis... I don't know, it kind of relieves the stress of the scale.

My Eating Habits: A photo blog...

In my recent blog from feb 6th...? I discussed my awareness of my HORRID relationship with food. I never thought of myself as an emotional eater, but more and more I found this to be true. My eating habits are off balance..And to first understand my habits, I decided to do a photo journal of my meals. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that I could keep it in order...lol. But I did consistently take photos of my meals from last week. Here they are!

Yeah..trust. This is not for a doctor's eyes!




Now normally I do not eat anything for breakfast on my Sunday morning shift, which starts at 8am. But on this day I felt compelled to get a donut. I guess I was in the mood for something sweet? And of course, my daily dose of coffee.



On sundays, if i ate in the morning..cool. if not, i'm usually starving come 1:00pm when i finally get off. And when I get home its 2:00pm. So for this day, that was a 5 hour wait in between "breakfast" and this finished picture of what was a Jamaican Patti, crust with cheese, and a side of coke. I can't recall how horrible I feel when I am just getting home at 2pm and haven't eaten at all! And after a full day of work..Now that i'm blogging about it, just the thought of that seems like pure torture to myself.



If I am too lazy to cook..which I am about 90% of the time. Then me and the bf are eating out. This is a typical din din...ordered from the "chinaman" as we like to call him. Fried chicken wings with bbq sauce and a side of fried rice or french fries..as you see here in this pic. About 2 hours, bf made pancakes and turkey bacon..cause we were still hungry..yeh



this was from the following day, monday, i get up early and have to be to work at 6:30am. I am usually only thinking about having a soothing vanilla latte at this time of the day. i know i should have breakfast. but i usually don't.



On mondays, i don't eat until late again. Yeah, similar to Sundays. And I ordered from POP Burger this day and had a turkey burger and fries. and then when i got home around 4pm. i ate the rest. its kind of gross now that i think about it. but the burger was really good and i just felt like i needed something to fill my tummy. but it was very expensive.



I made this! its chicken fried in olive oil with bbq sauce. and then i baked the sweet potato. it was actually very filling and i only needed one piece of chicken!



i bought a box of ice cream bars because i crave chocolate everynight.



A Mcdonalds stop in the middle of my day.



starbucks on the run.



the bf treated me to my favorite. cheeseburger and fries!



more mcdonalds on the run before i attend a marketing workshop.



there is this jamaican bakery around my way and they do make the BEST patties and crust with cheese. i got the pepsi zero to make myself feel better.lol



i made a turkey and cheese sandwich and had grape drink and doritos with it.



and sometimes i'll force an apple into my dull eating routine.



and to end it off..another scrumptuous cup of vanilla latte!

I BELIEVE

In Me.



"Wallowing in self-pity is a horrifying pleasure. But it is not good for me. And now that I am aware of it, I want to examine it, I want to record every negative thought I have...maybe i will do that.

I want to discover my thought process...and how it is not benefitting me. By living through the pain, but this time being aware of what i am doing.

its all so much for me to grasp right now, but...i feel a change is a coming. And its not for anyone else...but..me, myself and I. May we live in peace." - kboug



**~~~**





I am so proud of myself.. After reading some old entries from April 2008 and remembering that year at age 22-23, I was in such a horrible state of mind.. OMG! Today there was a moment when I had to run away from the computer screen... the tears just kept falling because I started to remember that old feeling, when I had lost my bf, and my friends. I was so alone...but it was the best thing for me. Because I learned that I could have very bad times, and still survive. I am a survivor.



I also realized, that even though I was surrounded by not so great people, my biggest enemy was myself and my thoughts.



I remember that time very clearly. Most of those first entries when I felt like the world was falling on top of me.. I would wallow in chinese fried chicken and french fries. Or I would have Mcdonalds for days. I drank soda regularly. I was and still am an EMOTIONAL EATER!



It is the comfort that the food brought to me. The loneliness went away for a mere second. And it was relieving because I was feeling so many negative things. It pains me to remember how much I hated myself, and how much I depended on what others thought of me to dictate what I thought of myself!

Out of all of my old entries, the one that stuck out like a sore thumb was this one


http://offdashoulda.blogspot.com/2008/04/im-stalker.html


No one was telling me I was pretty. In fact everyone was telling me I wasn't. And I was believing them! Its so hurtful...

But what I take from it now, was how I allowed food to help me through it. I recognize that then & now I HAVE A HORRIBLE RELATIONSHIP with food.

Much has evolved since those years in my early 20's. But there are still some things that are necessary to address.

Now, I do have moments where I eat out of emotion. Not as much as before, but it is still present. What is very factual is that I've established very bad habits. Very very bad habits.Its time to exempt the negativity out of my path, and recognize the spiritual journey that I am going to have to take in order to get this weight loss thing back in control.

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I BELIEVE IN ME.

Introducing...

FRUITS & VEGETABLES!

After being very aware of the food that I have been eating these past few days, i'm gonna take it slow. First things first, implementing more fruits and vegetables into my diet. So BF and I had a discussion about focusing on one APPLE a day!

Also we aren't the best of cooks yet, but its very easy to add in some carrots, sweet potatoes and prepare easy salads.

So i'll be checking into my blog to see how i'm doing with my frutis and veggies in take. I think its good to start simple and with the things that I know are effective and familiar.

I FEEL FULL

Today I had a bottle of water, breakfast, and now consuming lunch.. I am feeling it! I am feeling that I am full! And I haven't finished my lunch yet!

So what does this mean?.. For me.. I can be in tune with my body. Right now its telling me that its had enough.. that it can't fit any more.. and I can't help but not listen.

How many times over all these years had I stuffed my stomach beyond its capacity?

Well the stuffing ends! .. today.

This is a new stepping stone for me.. to really be aware of what my body is telling me.

Kind Thoughts

Choosing Kind Thoughts.. Until the Confidence Comes.. :)

After diving in to Women Food and God, I am realizing how differently I would like to take my weight loss journey; more different than any other attempt before. I've been dealing with a lot of emotional issues this week.. and I've become more than aware of my link of emotional eating. I've been aware of it.. of course.. but finding a way to stop it is the next step. Because honestly, eating when you are not hungry.. means that there is something wrong. Its absolutely unnatural. And I imagine myself on the better path to more balance in my life.

Geneen Roth mentions in Women Food and God that you have to start trusting yourself and your own instincts about what your body wants. You have to learn to listen to your own body. And what I've come to accept is that for most of my life.. I have been harming myself mentally.. by wishing I was something that I am not. Wishing I had so and so's body shape..and looking in the mirror and not loving what I see back. I've been living in a false reality..and I'm ready to wake up.

So the question is.. can I trust myself yet? All of my impulses go back to what my mind is conditioned to think.. that I need to lose weight.. to get pretty and sexy.. because thats what I'm not. And only when you are physically attractive are you worth anything

----> This has been my belief system for so much of my life. And as much as I want it to stop right now.. it is conditioned. I feel like to "trust myself" will lead me back to regular abusive thoughts and bad habits.

But I think I can hold onto the concept of treating myself kindly. As if I am a child that deserves good love health and support. Theres no beating around the bush.. I want to lose weight!!! ..But the right way.

12 PowerFoods

12 POWER FOODS FOR YOUR EVERYDAY EATING
kick your fat burning machine into HIGH gear

I stress Habits because this is about adding the right foods to your everyday lifestyle.

Including the following foods will make your body into A Fat BURNING Machine...

Almonds and other Nuts
Beans and Legumes
Spinach and other green vegetables
Dairy (fat free or low-fat milk, yogurt and cheese)
Instant Oatmeal
Eggs
Turkey and other lean meats
Peanut Butter
Olive Oil
Whole-Grain breads and cereals
Extra-Protein whey powder
Raspberries and other berries

take your pick today..which delicious FOOD will you add to your next meal?

The Non-Diet Eating

Revisiting my minor set-back from yesterday, i have calmed down and recognized that its important to take a step back and look at what might be going wrong. So after further review, I think its time that I start refining what I am going to be eating on my "non diet".

But first, I have not been as consistent with my food journal and I do believe and have witnessed that the process begins here. Just as easy as it is to journal about my hair, make-up, and fashion, it is very important to continue with my food journal. I made this as apart of the non-diet guidelines for the main reason that journaling your food will help you to recognize what it is that you are consuming on a regular basis. Most of us do not know how much food and caloric intake we are really putting in our bodies on a daily basis.

Along with the journal, once a week, I believe it is important to input your foods into a nutrition tracker so you can really see what it is you are missing from your "diet". So this week my plan is to focus on my food journal. Also I will be incorporating the guidelines and methods from The Abs Diet into my non-diet regimen. Now many might be confused because it incorporates "diet". However, this book is dedicated to the original meaning of the word diet...which is basically your normal intake of food on a regular basis. The Abs Diet, focuses on what foods you should be adding to your daily intake and provides exceptional information on food ingredients and incorporates a lot of recipes. So stay tuned...