So.. the next two weeks...will be stressfullly funably.......crazy.
I Can Never Understand that when things are okay..they are good. BUT, when one thing starts to ignite into an issue...then it seems like everything wants to be an issue. And you are stuck...left with problem after problem...decision after decision to make. This is one thing about Adult-hood..that i'm not Cool with...and its making my own decisions and then having to take responsibility over..wat may happen in the end result.
Gone are the days when you can blame it on everyone else but yourself. It is you and only you to be the blame.
I'm stressing out and i'm simply hoping that things can work out...but i'm totally unsure.
As much as I am happy with myself for getting on top of these headshots..all I keep thinking about is the money that I spent to do them...$275 whopping dollars..that I could TOTALLY use right now. After my account being over drawn for just about that amount...my checks for the week...were swallowed up by bank account overdrawn fees.....YIKES:(
And I'm definetly trying to move out of this hole by July 3rd..and into another hole..but a bigger hole that I could call mine. Basically...moving out of Canarsie is my plan...and doing it with less than half of the rent needed and with working hours to lose...is my game. I'm a freaking lunatic I swear. This rent is the best I've ever seen... $600 for my own place. Sweeeet. And yet, I still find a way to fuck it up..and end up with nothing to meet up with it.
NOT, to mention...my plan of working crazy hours...is being redirected due to my 1ST audition---I will write about this on another date---but Yes, I had my first audition and am going to the call-back. Of which I decided---yes me... good ol' adult who has to make crazy decisions--to call out of work, risk my job and go on an audition that I'm unsure if i'll even get in. Jeesh.
Going to Jamaica seems like such a nice getaway from what is still growing to be a hell hole of a city... but I can't even be excited about it. The one person that I want to bring with me...isn't going. I am missing days out to work, and if I don't get into the show...not having the availability to rehearse because of these days gone in paradise...may be the Sole reason.
Just when You think things are going to get better...they always have a way of fucking up! And within a two - week span of fucked up things to deal with.... is Just my Luck.
Not to mention... at the end of it all...I've still gotta attend this wedding. Of which, I am not into going anymore..due to the fact that it will be Ex-boyfriend City. Goodness.... Is it possible to add anything else to this mix of unkind commotion?!!!
I've made it my business to not make any more "yes" commitments to fun and leisure. If its about making money or career...then a "yes" may flowing from my lips...but other than that. I'm the "No" girl for the next few months.
Damn..I Need to get My Shit 2GETHER!