I am not happy with the way I am taking care of myself.
I am often feeling like i'm learning how to be jealous of others..for what they have (image wise) and what I don't. And as I continue in this hard-core business that requires me to be "ready" at all times, I feel I need to really take focus on myself..in making sure that I am happy with how I am taking care of myself. Right now, i'm just not so happy. Again, I know losing a few pounds would be helpful. But, it really means more to me....I want to feel more confident...self-assured...and happy with my present self.
Often, I find myself staring at other women. And I listen to my mind go on and on with ---
"Oh she got fake hair" to a long curly haired women..or
"I fuckin hate her" to a beautiful skinny woman..or
"Lucky Bitch" to a big booti woman
And then I catch myself --
I look up--
And there he is---
either the cutie next to me--
or my bf--
and probably thinking the complete opposite.
I just wonder how it is that I look....to others.
Do they see me and think..."wat a poor looking girl?"
Or..."she's pretty...but has a long way to go..?"
Or..."Thank God I'm not that bitch."
And then i wonder wat I would like others to think of me.
"Wow, I like her style."
"What a beautiful body."
"Natural Beauty...a Dime a Dozen"
lol.... maybe i'm asking for a lot. Maybe its too much to want everyone to like me..or think i'm pretty. Cause...the truth is....you can't please everyone. And everyone has their own opinion..and their own likes and dislikes. Its just not possible to meet all their needs.
When will I learn that I am not everyone's "me". And I'm just My "Me".