There is finally a new position opening up, a position that I have been keeping my eye on for a while now. But it is funny that now it is here, it is really not the right time for me to even apply. Why? Well, i could say that my horoscope says Mercury is in Retrograde and I have been advised by spiritual leaders to avoid making any commitment and signing contracts. But if i really think about it, i do not need this as an excuse. The events coming up to this open position have all been very negative. A boss that is unwilling to budge from her point of view and who will not be open to improvements in the way that she runs things. To me having to speak to someone above her head, to her getting reprimanded to this position finally opening up. i've realized that i have entangled myself into a WEB of Negativity. I have had to tell on her, fight for my reasons, and still look like the fool at the end. Most importantly, i am a witness to the resentment and the negative feelings towards to the owners of this company. With all this being said, as much as I thought i should go for this position, for it would ensure me more $ and then I can prove that i am worth the position...... I am having the epiphany that this is the wrong mindset to have. And unfortunately, this position is not worth it. I have to be truthful to myself.... do i want to be a spa director? Is this position putting me in the place that i want to be to fulfill my career dreams? No, its not.. If anything I would still be playing AND Losing the same game. The game of me proving to these people of how good and worthy I am. And i am truly tired of playing this game. And the truth is that i'll never really win either.
In music, there is no reason for me to prove to anything or anyone how worthy i am. In music, I fit in just nicely and it is where i AM MOST HAPPY. it is where I belong, and it is what i should be challenging myself in. Taking this job (if it would even be offered to me) would get me no where. Maybe more $... but no where else. I think I find another place to put my energy into. And something more worth MY time to challenge myself in... and thats my music. My dynasty. So I am going to let go of applying for this job, even though i have wanted to be in this position for so long... everything that has happened is proof to me that this is not the way I should have gotten this job, and fighting for it..isn't worth my time. I deserve better. I deserve what I really want. And i do not have to prove to anyone in this company that I am worth it. i'm done.
Its time now to focus my worth ethic and my detailed professionalism, to focus my challenges and my growth in my music. it is calling for me and it is time now..that i stop shying away from it and attracting myself to such negative situations. Negative situations that i have no business being in, because i DON'T belong. I don't belong in a place that has never and will never recognize my worth.
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