Sunday, May 27, 2012

the first day of the rest of my life

I look at friends' photos today on facebook. All i can think about they pretty much look the same since i last met them, just a little older but with the same/similar flair.

it makes me depressed.

i look at myself and think.. well then i look the same too...just older and fatter.


the other day, i had my first doctor's visit. I realized that i'm treading on 170lbs at 5'1. I also might have an under active thyroid. every since then, i've looked at myself through real upclose&personal glasses. Its like i finally see the fat girl staring back. this whole moment in my life is changing me and my perspective of myself.

i battle with..if i really like who is staring back. i battle..because i don't. i don't like who is staring back..i can barely look. and it just hurts. it feels like. failure.

i think of my family and i think about my partner, i think about my career. and i see failure staring back.
i wish i could budge from this depression. but it feels so real. it can't be depression when it feels so real.

1 comment:

A Rose Colored Glass said...

I'm rooting for you!We're on the same boat my friend.