Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Breaking-Up is Hard to do...

I Broke up with the Love of my Life over a week ago.
Here's the letter that I sent to him just tonight.

It is probably one of my best works yet.

Before you read this: Imagine my voice. It isn't agitated, it isn't frustrated, and it isn't attacking you. I am merely speaking.

I care about all of that friends "shit".You must too if you felt the need to DO something about it. If facebook is giving us a false sense of things, then moving me down does what? Clarify it all?! I don't see how its such bad news. Even you told me not to cancel mine, its a way to stay connected to the people that you care about. So there isn't a false sense of anything. Wat you see and put into it is wat you get. I think you have it wrong, its not facebook thats the killer. Its the players that are.

But anyways, you say that you are on a mission to end bad news. Well, it seems to me that "good news" is your friends, music, school etc.. And "bad news" is kareen. I dunno, maybe "bad news" has always been Kareen. Either way, i can't stop you from doing what YOU need to do for yourself. If say you are falling back from facebook, you are falling back because of me.....not because of facebook in its entirety. Because if i wasn't in the picture, you'd be happy. You would be fine. You should be honest to yourself about that.

Before I go, I have one more thing to say. I've been really thinking, meditating, and researching a lot. And what I've come to, is this realization that Now is all we have. Living in the Past, only traps us. The past should merely be a reminder of lessons learned. Living in the Future gives us anxiety, for the future is non existent, and we cannot live in what does not exist. All we have is the present.

What i want in my present is you.

But, i cannot have everything i want. You are the first one to teach me that. I understand, that what is toxic in your life, is me. It must be. So, i've given you my plea for us to stay together. What I wanted from you mainly, was a promise. Hopefully a promise that you would wait for me, if i needed you to wait. And a promise that you would come, when i asked you to come. But those things must exist in fairy tales...

I hope you see...if not today, then one day, that your request of me to do what i do....has been existing. What i do consists of taking care of me, doing what i love to do, making the connections i need to, and taking care of the one i love. What I do is care for you, I give you my heart..even though I'm scared it may crumble at your finger tips...i entrusted it to you. What I do is make you a priority in my life...making sure that i know what is going on with that i can be at ease to know that the one i love is okay. And if not, I'm going to do what i know is necessary to make the situation better. I've given you my best.
My best attention.
My best skills.
My best sex.
My best love.

But, nonetheless. Toxic is toxic.
You don't have to worry about me. I'm a strong girl.
Knowing that you are happy, is enough to allow me to let us go.

I love you. How do you know later even exists?

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