Sunday, April 27, 2008

Fuck Him

"Time" - by NE-YO

Today, i've succumbed to the incessant thoughts that are running through my mind. Most of them is that this guy is happy not talking to me everyday. I see his pictures of him and his friends partying it up...its evident that he is getting along just fine. I doubt it if he even misses me anymore...

Today, i let my mind wander off to the fact that he wont wait for me. He's young, he enjoys sex, he is in college, and its probable that he is getting his time in with whomever he chooses. And it hurts....ughh.

Do you see? How powerful our minds are? They can easily destroy us. :(

I can't keep doing this. I feel like i'm going to burst. Today, i was in such peace. But coming home to my own silence and stillness, I can't help but be completely involved in my thoughts. I can't determine the difference between what I feel and what intuition is. Its like its doomed for failure...even if nothing is going on...i'm probably speaking it right into truth.

And then, I also remember all the parts of our relationship that just didn't work. Breaking up....really was the best thing to do for me. It's going to make sense later. I know.

The memories of the pain are all that i'm thinking of today. Its painful to think of all the things said to me that almost seemed to keep me plummeting to the bottom. I'm not afraid anymore to recall this...I'm not afraid to try to forget it and blame it on that I could get him back. Everyday, I'm coming closer to the fact that we are not together...and NOT EVERYTHING was my fault.

But what have I been learning? That there is no future. There is only the present. And the present hurts. STILL!

p.s. I am highly considering taking myself off facebook. highly considering

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