Monday, April 21, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me!!!!!!!!!! 23!!!!!!

23...what an odd number huh?


It doesn't necessarily seem like an evolutionary number does it? No, I always thought it was last year...22...on the 22! lol. I was so hyped. Either way, another year complete. And i'm sooo eternally grateful for 23 years. Tonight I am overcome with gladness...because so many...have not even seen the light of day on their 23rd year. And here I am, still breathing, still which I can say...still smiling.

This past year, I have cried so much, hurt so much, but i've also had some of the best times. I'm grateful for every tear, for every embarassed moment, for every burst of rage, for every laugh, for every broken-hearted moment....I'm grateful for what I have gone through this year. It has not only made me stronger...but wiser. This past year was necessary for me to start maturing and seeing things in a more clear view.

After so much, I am at a very weird state of mere...peace.
My heart is peaceful. And it feels so relieving. I feel like I have a grip on myself.

What I've learned this year is to sometimes slow things down.
As passionate of a person I am, sometimes I just head straight in...head first and eyes closed.
I love my passion...I hope I keep it forever. But, more importantly its time to use it in the best way. By taking the time before making any decisions...just to double - check..that its the right choice for me. There is nothing wrong with double - checking.

Even more, I'm not sure what this world holds for me in the future. But I do have control over what I do for myself. I have control over what I want...and how I want to do things. Its so important for me to stop and ask this what you want to do? I need to upgrade myself to the mentality that I deserve the best. I deserve EXACTLY what I want.

This year, I want to learn how to let the past be the past. A time to learned from. But to dwell in the past...leaves me anxious and thats not cool dude.

This year, I want to find little ways in which I can cheer myself up...negativity is so not healthy for me.

This year, I want to pay attention to the little things. Making sure that I get all the little things that I make my days even more worthwhile. I want to spend a lot of "me" spiritual time...where I can really find my own voice..before I start considering others.

This year, I want to dwell into my taurus fabulosity and I know its been a probing thing for me to get my appearance straight. This year, I feel motivated to really put myself up forward---taking care of that appearance is going to be a top priority. I guess I never liked succumbing to this side of me. Often, I choose the way out. Its something that I want, but the fear to become too materialistic...its always held me back. Even more, I think I am just afraid to go there...

But this business that I'm in is THERE, and I know that if I did go THERE, I would be able to build some much needed confidence.

So, I thank you Lord for 23 beautiful years. I wish I could embrace you, take your hand, feel your kiss, so that I know you know how grateful I really am.

But, since that isn't so...I will do better...
i'll make our embrace be through daily prayer and mediation,
I'll hold your hand as I try to stay positive
...even through the dark times,
and I'll feel your keep me in a good peace of mind.

Thank you for this 23rd year.

My Heart is filled with gratuity.

LORD, I want to Love like you do.

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