Monday, April 28, 2008

I'm A Stalker


I check out this guys facebook and myspace atleast once a day. And when im off from work...atleast 5 times. I'm a fucking stalker. I'm addicted. And it hurts whenever I see him having fun and enjoying himself...and im not apart of it. I HATE THE WORLD! Ugghhh, thats what i get for being bad.

More Stalker status?? Yessum. I am obsessed with this girl She is so pretty and I wish I was her!

I keep looking at all her pics and imagining my life being that beautiful. I think i'd be so would be grand....

she has the most beautiful body..and she is short like me!

she has the most beautiful face..and hair! :(

she is pursuing her dreams!

she has the most amazing style!

guys...when i look at myself. I see dirt. I look at this girl and i'm She is everything I want to be. And I wonder why am I stressing over a boyfriend? She deserves a boyfriend more than i do! She's got her shit together. I'm just a wallowing puddle of mess. I remember feeling like my friend was hinting to me that I don't deserve to be in a relationship. When I was with him, she said to me once..."all the pretty girls are without men. Every pretty girl I know is not in a relationship." And she said that to ME! When I was in a relationship!

I remember this guy telling me that when he first met me...he was not into my looks very much. But he was into my character? Wateva! it was the most painful thing that I could have ever heard. .....excuse me....i'm having a moment.....He ..he said that I didn't have the looks that he once was so attracted to. But there was something else. I guess, I should be happy to atleast have that something else. But there's not a worse feeling in the world when a girl thinks that she is not pretty....and just has good character. Every girl I know...wants to feel pretty.

Now I think of situation. I think of my body.. of my looks, and I just feel again... like i don't belong. If i'm not even pretty....than what am i? If the person I was with didn't think i was pretty...and the guy before him, and my friends don't think i'm pretty...then no matter what i try to convince myself of.....its just foolish to think that I could be right and all of them wrong.

This hurts. I have to go.

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