Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Michelle Obama, 2lbs lost, fat people, and other mishaps of the day

LAST NIGHT..BF and I had a discussion about FAT PEOPLE...

...Now I don't know where I got it from..but I always thought it was important to EMBRACE thick women. We were watching "Why did I get Married" by Tyler Perry. And in this story, there is a very heavy-set woman who cannot stay on the airplane because she needed to buy two tickets for two seats, because of her size.

A while ago, i read in one of my (useless) Fitness Magazines about a poll on whether bigger people should be charged more for the space they take up on airplanes. Most people said "YES"!
Last night, bf told me that he would "hate it if [I] got that heavy". And I was offended! Not because i am that heavy..but because of two things...

1. I am not skinny. I am overweight. So I am heavy..just not THAT heavy.
2. You would think that people stay together because of love..not just weight.

I understand that weight can be an issue..especially for men. So although I called it an "asshole" comment. It was a fight not worth fighting...cause it was just two mentalities that would never see each the other's side!

However, I'm boggled at the fact that people are not trying to be politically correct. These days, its evident that skinnier is better..

....and if you aren't skinny or in shape..then you should be. It means that you aren't healthy and that you are unattractive. And parts of me...(lol)..battles with this idea.

I understand.. that it is important to be truthful about your health. Health is all we have..in the end. However, I choose to remain politically correct on the issue of weight. I, myself, aspire to be skinny....and call it beautiful...And possibly this is why this is such a difficult topic for me to have with BF. I believe that overweight women are beautiful too. I do not believe that being overweight automatically constitutes that you are unattractive and you "eat to stuff your face" - as BF so clearly stated last night. Big women are BEAUTIFUL TOO. And big women aren't just big because of eating...!! It can range from thyroid to pregnancy. But still...I too, strive to be thinnier. I can sit here and write about how beautiful big women are...but I constantly fight with myself everyday to not be BIG & BEAUTIFUL. I constantly have this obsession to be smaller.

So it is a battle in myself. Do I choose to be ...politically correct?..and continue on the road to fighting for "the big women are beautiful" campaign? I don't know if I can. I feel like I am a hypocrite! To fight for big women..and then to be obsessed for getting skinnier! Right? So do i become a "snob" and just ..say big women are ugly? Is that how I really feel? I don't know...I don't believe thats how I reallly feel. I think I look at other women who are overweight and think..."they are fucking beautiful". But I look at myself...and think "If I lost weight...i would be prettier, and happier."

I'm now starting to think..that my own personal issues...and happiness...reaches beyond weight...


Here we go again. I'm sad. I want to lose weight...and I can't. I just can't. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything...but..it just doesn't seem to work.

Here's the problem. I don't have a SET Schedule. And especially when I'm getting up at 4 am in the morning to go to work, the last thing i'm thinking about is...breakfast! Let alone a healthy breakfast!

And..i'm trying to figure out a good system. Do i drop everything and start a new lifestyle immediately? Or do I introduce new important lifestyle changes........UGGGGHHHH. However, since my last weigh-in. I've managed to lose 2lbs....GO FUCKING FIGURE!



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