Watching my DVR recording of Oprah's weight-loss episode from yesterday, I was inspired to answer Bob Greene's questions about weight loss.
Question 1: Why am I overweight?
Some people would think that i am overweight because of my relationship. Because I am now at my heaviest and gained a lot of weight while within the middle of a real long-term relationship. I would say it is partially true. But I have been overweight since before i BEGAN this relationship. Before, I was in college, and at times that i was lonely, scared or stressed out, I used food as my company. There were many times when I questioned myself on my career choice, friendships, and sense of self-worth, and it has shown in my eating choices that i didn't know who i was or what i was doing. And then, when i got into a relationship, i was unintentionally sucked into the aura of what i thought LOVE was. I would do and eat everything with my boyfriend... because it was fun to have company and someone who you were comfortable with and so we ate everything. But also, when things got rocky and we broke up a few times about 3 years ago, I had actually learned how to live on my own, and even though it was hard to face the fact that we weren't together anymore, i started working out as a benefit and a distraction to myself. But then we got back together and things that weren't fixed came back to the surface for me. A lot of low self-esteem issues, jealousy, not feeling like i am good enough, and finding a way or reason to escape...all of these issues were and are obviously still within me....so today. I am in the same but different place. I recognize myself more. I am more mature with my actions... but the weakening of my confidence and my spirit and my sense of self-worth is still probing at me. I am now at my heaviest and recognizing that it is time to make choices....better choices for me. I've discovered that losing weight will not allow me to finally find my sense of worth.... I have got to find it now...before I press play on a dvd, or put on workout clothes, or reach for the apple. Why? because if i don't find it before I make those choices, then I am making those choices for the wrong reasons. I am doing it because of the "pressure" from my mother, bf, and the entertainment industry to be "beautiful". Before I make these decisions I had to come to the attention that i am doing it because I want to be better. I WANT TO BE BETTER.
Question 2: Why do you want to lose weight?
I truly want a better life experience for myself. Of course the materialistic ideas of being beautiful is the first idea that my ego gives me. But, i recognize right after that still some people will not like me, and not think i'm as beautiful... So I trash this instantly.
I want to lose weight so I can feel empowered by myself. I want to feel confident!!
I would like to walk through the rest of my life not feeling like a victim but feeling like a superhero. I want to change my perspective on things so that within myself, i am a better and happier person. I want to lose weight to be healthier. Healthy means and better and longer life for myself. Not to mention that Healthy looks better than covered-up beauty. You can bronze, conceal all that you want... but it wont match the the vision of a person that is truly healthy from the inside out. That is real beauty.
Question 3: Why have you been unable to maintain weightloss?
Because I always blame others for why this and that has gone bad. I choose the victim route instead of the empowerment route. And when you victimize yourself, you go back to the things that make you feel good and that is food for me. I use food as my company and as my weapon.