Dissatisfaction...to finding Success

Feeling very restless this morning. After a great weekend of writing another song.. you would think that I'd be satisfied. But there is something about waking up in the wee hours of the morning to get into a job ....that you can't stand.... its just dampens my mood completely.

I think I am feeling most upset about my weight. There are days like these when it just feels like it is going to take a surgery and a miracle to get to where I want to get to. It might just be that I am looking to have that straight path to success ....and the path, for me atleast, is never that easy.

This morning the negative thoughts I was fighting with was that I would have to go through another Summer covering up my body and NOT being able to wear a bikini. Just going through another summer wishing I could have some other girl's body...yada yada yada. all the same shit.
Remember when I was so amped about losing weight and posted this for inspiration?...
http://offdashoulda.blogspot.com/2011/05/celebrity-looks-at-billboard-awards.html

I am unsure of how to "fix my mood" at this point in time. Just wish I had more of what I think I need more of..so I could find happiness. --sounds materialistic doesn't it?

Watching a video of my new fav artist Jessie J,

She says she defines her success, not through money or materialistic things but through her happiness. Isn't that an Interesting concept? I wonder if that means that she is working hard everday to find her own happiness? But if thats the case, what do you do to find true happiness?

Or does it mean that she is happy everyday and thus she is successful everyday?..I don't know.

HOWEVER

it does make me question what my definition for success is. I think its important to define it for myself ...for I am recently finding the inspiration and the courage to go after all of my dreams...
I have always imagined SUCCESS as the end result. Your dreams fulfilled. It makes the most sense...So to me... that is sucess. If I want to be 30lbs thinner..then success would be once I've lost 30lbs...But then that got me thinking.. what if I lost 30lbs through starving myself or some other unhealthy method. Is that still success to me? No. it isn't.

So if I really digged deep down within myself to find out what would make me feel happy about my success is if I stayed true to myself, if I put all of my effort into it to produce the best result and...as Jessie J says.. if I am happy with myself at the end of it all.

I battle often with being dissatisfied. Its time now for the happy ME to resurface and make a comeback.