Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Tower of Babble

Working out is giving me courage. Courage to go further.
To break through the discomfort. To finally be aware of what triggers me. To experience the feelings that are not pleasant. I have truly REALLY begun this journey and it is what
it is...my journey.

I am finding now that i have been working out that I love the shape of my body. I love how my muscles are feeling. It is rewarding to simply walk down the street because i can feel that my body feels more energized and can move with a little more umph!!

However, today I experienced some not so great things. Some not so great feelings.
During my workout... i could feel myself wanting to just stop.
.and sit and wallow on the couch. I felt like that would be more comfortable than standing here in the middle of the room, sweating my ass off and not ending my workout with the best body i've ever had. Meaning... I couldn't see what the benefit of my workout was. I could only feel and see my big fat belly that is not going away!!

My mind is against me right now, because it is only focusing on the negative things. And I am struggling with fighting it.

I'm starting to recognize that it is now necessary for me to move into the next stage of this journey and it is facing my insecurities. I've got to find a way to channel them.. so that I won't turn to food to make me feel better. So that i won't quit and sit on the couch and just dream of the body that i want. --> which are all temptations for me! crazy huh. Insecurities are powerful. They can make you do the opposite of what they yearn for you to have. Its weird. And its powerful. And as I am now going to add conscious and healthier eating to my everyday routine, I need to get to the bottom of these negative feelings. stay tuned..for i'm sure there will be more to come.

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