THE PROCESS

"There is a process to success. We much each figure out what that process is for our own life."

-Oprah

Thank you Oprah. (breathe)

I am amazed at how this year has turned for me. I sometimes wonder about the past 4-5 years, where i feel like i FUCKED up. i should have been doing this... and i should have been doing that... But its time now to recognize that I cannot change what has happened but accept it as apart of my process AND my path. And this path is truly unique compared to any one else's because it is mine. This year, I've had the eye opener that I would not have if I had not come down the path I had. So, its all good.

This year, I am seeing the potential that I have to change MY own life.

And this is what has been holding me down for so long... the lack of not understanding this. And now that My dream has been fully realized. (Or...remembered.) I am now on the journey to reach it. I have found a new passion and love adding to the depth of my musical knowledge and background. Learning to write to my own rhythm and music, learning to push myself to go to a core fusion class, learning to listen to my partner, learning to be available to my family... I am re-shaping my life and it feels unbelievable. I have faith that i will be able to achieve what I want. The only thing that is keeping me back ....is ME.

Dreamscape night 1 recap

So I am going over my "Dreamscape" tapes finally. This is a big show that i helped produce and perform in April. Let's just say..how much I haaaaate re-looking at tapes of performances that I have previously done. In order for me to avoid feeling completely squirmish i really have to watch the tapes by myself...and at least a month later...this time it was nearly 3 months later. haha

So reviewing my performance for the first night... i am proud of myself because my vocal range is starting to sound more open and I am able to go in and out of registers more easily. I can tell from my whole performance of that. So I am happy with that. I personally thought that i looked beautiful--overweight and all. I absolutely love the way that i wear my clothes and I seem to give of a big helping of self confidence and assurance (Even if thats not what i am always feeling on the inside).

I do not want to be too self-critical..cause we are all our own critics..and i find that there is always something stirring within me that is never satisfied..so i'll be easy on myself. What i remember from that night was that i wasn't happy with my solo. I felt very uncomfortable and uneasy...but looking at it now, I think because i didn't feel completely confident with it that i GAVE my all. And it did fill in the gaps to the parts that were missing. It is hard for me to not look at the other singers and weigh myself. There are thoughts in my head that want to compare and contrast...but i am not going to go there with my "recap" because Beyonce said it best that she is most competitive with herself. So i will choose to only comment on how i can improve on my last performances and do better from what i did...and not what anyone else did..even though its so innate for me to look at others...

What i do need to work on is ...

1.)breath control. Its time to push myself in my workouts..maybe in running to sing when I run or do any cardio. That will be a training that i'd like to do. Cause there are times when my breath falters..and then it messes with my ability to stay on pitch or to hold out notes..or to be more dynamic with my singing volumes.

2.)transitions. in this specific solo..the transitions musically, vocally and physically were little awkward. It is definetly hard for me to find the comic relief in my performance...which leads me to the next thing...

3.) Acting. I fall in and out of my character instead of staying right there with it. Sometimes falling out is good..and it helps to relieve the moment...but i do it a little too often..and i can see how an audience member would not be able to follow my intention. I think improvement on this comes from doing the song, over and over and over again. Also it is just mere performance...i need to have more and more and more performance opportunities..so i can sharpen these skills...I haven't been performing as much as when I was in HS and college..and i think I am a little rusty.

4.) diction and key. I've got to work on my diction, my intention and possibly some of the keys of the song could be changed to help me bring out more.

so thats my recap for night 1. Night 2 and 3 to come.. This is mainly to help me see what I need to work on when we do this again in the Fall.

I do see much improvement. And bg was so supportive of me..that i do not want to let go of all the wonderful things he said.

There is constantly an uneasy/restlessness within me when it comes to my music. And i don't know if it is coming from a good place. Sometimes i just feel like i WILL never be as good as i think I am in my head. Sometimes I just am unhappy with what i HEAR AND SEE back..despite what people say..and so its a struggle for me to really trust myself and to think that i am great..quite often I am at a battle with myself over what i think is perfect and me trying to achieve that. This summer is when I'd really like to tackle this. I think it is good for me to be critical and to see and look for improvements..but i am unhappy at how dissatisfied i can be. When at the end of the day...its not about competitiveness or perfection... its about doing what i love and loving to do it.

my dream..

If I could have one wish granted in my life... It would be to do this.




i'm giving out all of my positive and powerful energy into fulfilling my dreams...

love you B~again another inspiring performance

Whats Next?

Its so weird not having any work to do besides actual work at my job! I am feeling weird at the moment. But my momentum is up... I feel the desire of music ringing in my ears and flowing through my blood. Everything within me is telling me to keep going!



I am so proud of myself, because after college, I went through a serious lull. And as I started to get myself back into singing and performing I was face to face with a lot of things that I needed to fix. As an artist, we are probably never completely happy with our work, and there were moments this weekend where I was upset that it didn't go exactly as planned, but overall I've never felt better about where I am vocally and perfoming wise. I had lots of good feedback and I am going to run with it!

But its not over... as a performing artist, I am looking to grow even more and expand even more. I want to work more on technique, range, versatility, agility, and stamina. I know I come in a small package, but I believe I have a lot to offer to the music and entertainment world. Its what I was made for..and I just can never quit or let go. I know I have what it takes to better myself and improve ten-fold... I've already proven it to myself already..the only thing to do is to keep going.

Yep.. its been a Minute.

Yep. I've been away for a while now. It is now May 1st. haha.

But for good reasons. I have been directing, producing, and putting on my own show for the past 3 months. And this weekend was the debut/feature of the show in NYC's The Metropolitan Room. It was quite an experience, and I am so grateful to be able to do what I love to do!

Now that the show is over... I am hesitant on what is next for me. Ive planned to embark on a journey into songwriting. I hope this summer will be a time to develop even more skills for my craft... What i've realized more than anything is how much I feel I belong on the stage. I was explaining to hubby two nights ago, that it is like "home" to me. I am not shy, or scared, or insecure. Its the only place where I feel I can be vulnerable and myself and if people love me.. then thats whats up!! I just don't want to let it go, and I hope in year 26 for me that I will get to triple-double my performance skills and experiences.

But for now, I've embarked on a journey with P90x.

I said I was on a mission to lose this weight, and I'm loving the videos in this program. So I will be trying this out and keeping updated pictures on progress/non-progress. My weight-loss journey is still in effect!

Its Time to Start Blogging about My...

Music Career!




I know that its a fact. Blogging has helped my hair tremendously. Blogging is going to help me lose 30lbs. And Blogging can only help me piece together my musical career.

As the year ends, i'm faced with some hard realities. I'm working an awesome gig at Exhalespa, where I can make my own schedule and take classes for free. It pays..okay. This gig has gotten me comfortable. I'm focused on work now, and nothing else. At some point I was considering the fact that I might want a position in the company.. maybe a corporate position. But recent events have given me signs that I am truly not made for this spa business.

On the side, I've been working gigs with my vocal cabaret group. And I have gained a lot more performance experience with them. Its been a pleasure being around other talent and artists and learning how their work ethic is. Its kept me motivated to keep music in my life. And as the New Year comes... I've realized that it is essential that I don't have to piece together my life for the next 40 years, but I do need to figure out what path I want to take; I fear that otherwise, my dreams of being a paid and professional singer will slip right through my tiny hands.

So this year, my New Years Resolution is to blog about my hair, makeup,fitness... all the lovely things us girls need to keep updated on. But I will also Blog about what I am doing musically. With hopes that this will keep my career moving forward in full gear. I truly want to end up with a career... not a job or a gig.

Most recently, I read a great blog post by a well-known vocal teacher in NYC. She was frustrated with the desperation of performers who approached her. And she stated the following words...

Panic and desperation do not bode well for success at anything, for anything.

Perhaps it is time to ask ourselves - what do I want and why? And is it feasible to pursue it? And if it doesn't work out, am I comfortable to look at other possibilities?

-susan

I was so intrigued by these questions that I felt it was essential that I went ahead and answered them right now.

What do I want and why?

I truly want to be a paid and professional singer. I want to write my own songs and perform them on stages across the nation and even internationally. I want to collaborate with well-known recording artists and record my own albums. I want to perform in Broadway Musicals as well as be on Film. I want this because The Arts has always felt like "home" to me. In a world where I don't always feel like I belong, Music has invited me in to belong to something. It is my escape from...everything! When I feel pain, or anxiety, or distress, I turn to music as a healer. I want to share my love of music with the world.

Is it feasible to pursue it?

I've always believed it was until I left college and realize that I still didn't have the work ethic or the resources to make this happen. It is feasible, but there is no promise that it will make me any money to survive without a second job. It is feasible but I am in a relationship that means the world to me, and my family is all in NY, which makes me second guess leaving NYC if I ever had to. It is feasible, but there are still some roadblocks that I am afraid I will have to tackle. And I do believe these fears are what are holding me back.

Am I comfortable to look at other possibilities?

Honestly, I feel that if I'm not the one behind the microphone or the pen and paper, then i'm not going to want to stay in the biz. I would prefer to do event planning, or do something with animals, or train in esthetics to aid people in skincare. I have a lot of interests that would make me happy as a career. But I would not be able to pursue anything else than my dreams in Music. And, yes I am comfortable at these possibilities, because I've been honest with myself on what I will and will not do. And that comes genuinely from me..without any influence from anyone else. If I did pursue these other possibilities.. I believe I would be happy because music would never leave, I would still sing when asked to, I would still listen to music that inspires me to make my own music, and I would be in a dance class or something. I know that if it does not become a career, it would still be apart of my everyday life. And yes, I am okay with that. :)

**feasible - adjective
1. capable of being done, effected, or accomplished:

Up out my face boy

I'm Groovin to...
"Up Out My Face Boy" Mariah feat. Nicki Minaj.. Hot new music vid..

Enjoy.



Wish I could be the 3rd person in this vid. lolz
Today was quite a long and grueling day...I had so much bs that i wanted to blog. But who's in the mood for hearing BS right now? I SAW This vid and now i don't care what i was gonna write about.

Missing You...

RIP Aaliyah... *tears*


8 years since the tragic death of Songbyrd Aaliyah. I'll never forget this day. I was in church when I heard and I thought it was a horrible joke. But it was real..we had lost this gorgeous entertainer...my sister was a huge Aaliyah fan and she was crushed.





If Aaliyah was still in the music game...boy it would be Fierce!!

Her Style was unbelievable.

Still missing you...

If I can help somebody

love this beautiful song..i had to share




If I can help somebody, as I pass along,
If I can cheer somebody, with a word or song,
If I can show somebody, how they're traveling wrong,
then my living shall not be in vain
if i can help somebody, as i pass along
then my living shall not be in vain

if i can do my duty as a christian ought
if i can bring back beauty in a world up wrought
if i can spread my message as the master taught
then my living shall not be in vain

then my living shall not be in vain
if i can help somebody, as i pass along
then my living shall not be in vain

No Headphones

No Headphones...

and yet I find a simple freedom in silence alone
with the ability of my words,
my thoughts to move at a pace of its own.

Without Music there is no guide
I'm left with these thoughts that
I have so easily set aside.
As I marinate in the escape of Blissful music
It meets my imagination like to kids in the playground...
laughing and giggling as they play in the sand
Igniting lifelong dreams to overflow in abundance.

Without music I see the me doing the impossible things.
It guides me through with its grounded harmonious vibrato.
I am soaked in an artful ecstasy.
It's staccato marks create stepping stones to a higher level
Leaving me with no room for error.